A comment on one of my posts had me mentally wrestling. The commenter isn’t anyone I know, and she actually wasn’t saying anything I haven’t heard my whole life, but it was the context in which she said it that caused me anguish. “Sadly, you’re mistaken. Why, because you have a good heart and believe everyone else does too. That is NOT the case.”
When I was growing up, my dad used to ask me to go for a walk when he had something he wanted to share with me. As I got older, I would ask him to go for a walk when I needed his guidance or ear. It’s probably why I ponder so much when I SUP and run. During one of those walks, he told me that he hoped I never lost my sense of compassion. He felt it was one of my greatest qualities, but the world would try to convince me otherwise. I have been grateful ever since that he had the wisdom to tell me this because the world has indeed tried to convince me otherwise.
My friends have always jokingly told me, “You’re too nice,” or “You need to learn to say no,” or “You’re too trusting,” or PT’s favorite, “OK, Mary Poppins!” I know they love me, and I know they really don’t want me to change. As I read that comment, I reminded myself to cherish my good heart and compassionate nature. It does not cause me to be mistaken.
So often, we view a compassionate nature and a good heart as weakness or as qualities that cause us to be victims. In truth, the strongest people I know have been the most loving and compassionate. I had a great example in my dad, but history bears this out as well with Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Ghandi, and Mother Teresa. Love, goodness, compassion, they give us firmness and fierce strength like a mama bear teaching and protecting her cubs.
There is a Bible verse that I have come to put my own twist on. The original verse is “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16. My twist is, “I need to be as wise as the serpent so I can afford to be as harmless as the dove.” First we must be wise. That is what allows us to be compassionate and have a good heart without being weak or becoming a victim.
Most websites have this definition of wisdom: “The soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment.” (Definitions from Oxford Languages) I love Merriam-Webster’s definition though: “ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : INSIGHT.” Wisdom for me is an active knowing. It’s knowing what is true, for me, so well that anything that doesn’t jive with that knowing becomes very obvious. 2+2=4 is something I know so inherently that I can immediately let go of 2+2=5.
The other part of wisdom for me is intuition; the aspect that Merriam-Webster touches on. You might call it a gut feeling, or hair standing on the back of your neck, or that “still small voice,” or your guardian angel. We all have a way to describe that feeling that lets us know when something is right and peaceful, or when something is wrong and dangerous. The more I learn to listen to that feeling and act on it, the stronger that muscle of intuiting becomes. A mama bear is so good at sniffing danger in the wind and rounding up her cubs to protect them. Just loving her cubs is not going to protect them, but the wisdom to sense danger combined with her fierce love becomes the ultimate protection.
So does that mean, as the commenter stated, while I might have a good heart, others do not? Herein lies my wrestling. I believe that most people want good in their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It’s not such a leap to assume that wanting good in life either comes from or creates a good heart. My experience proves to me that an expectation of good brings out good in others. My experience also proves to me that realizing my fellow man wants the same good qualities (such as life, love, joy, peace, healthy and happy children) that I want allows us to find common ground.
A wild animal that is backed into a corner is going to come out fighting for survival. Are we humans really so very different? If I assume the person I’m conversing with does not have a good heart and wants things that will cause harm, that is the equivalent of me mentally backing them into a corner. The most likely outcome of this scenario is a conversation where that person comes out verbally fighting. Any hope of common ground and finding solutions flew out the window the minute pre-conceived assumptions were formed, before words were even spoken.
So after miles of paddling and running… and breathing, and mother nature reminding me with each mile of the beauty and peace and balance in our world, I finally wrestled my way to a sense of peace about that comment. Her comment wasn’t about who mankind inherently is. I suspect her comment came from pre-conceived assumptions. Her assumption just doesn’t jive with what I know and have experienced so I can let her assumptions go just like I can let go of 2+2=5.
When I first read her comment, I must admit my first thought was that I can’t wait until this election is over. Her comment put a point on the anguish I feel seeing family and friends so angry and divided, and I can’t wait for it to end. It came to me as I was writing that election day will not fix or reset anything. The fixing and the resetting doesn’t start with an election, or a win, or a loss, or a shift in the balance of power; it starts within each of us. It starts with us expecting good in everyone and reminding ourselves and re-reminding ourselves and re-re-reminding ourselves (as many times as it takes!) that each of our fellow humans truly does want the same good qualities in life that we want.
When we were five, we knew the Golden Rule to be the best way to live our lives as inherently as we know 2+2=4. Nothing has changed. “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18